Female Loathing in Las Midlands 2
Our second study of FDI (Female Drink Insanity) takes place as usual, late at night in some late bar.
This particular evening, we had some unusual accomplices in our drinking mission - DW, a colleague of GB and his flatmates. DW quickly grew bored of our incessant drink-and-bullshit-fest, instead opting to wander drunkenly round the bar, chatting up females. This behaviour being somewhat outside our social norms, we kept an eye on him for the trouble that would undoubtedly ensue. Strangely, DW is largely capable of behaving himself and no unpleasantness ensued.
Sometime into the session, we became aware that DW had been talking to one particular female without rejection for some time. Unwisely, we decided our assistance would be a bonus to him. We approached.
Within 15 seconds of our introductions the mood had changed somewhat - I had again let myself down and made some smart comment, then instantly forgotten it. This had roused female A's anger to a surprising degree. All she was capable of doing was shouting at me. I tried to calm the situation down, but unsurprisingly made matters worse. The situation was rapidly going downhill. I had to act, and quickly.
I found inspiration at the bottom of my drink - if this slut was so wound up at something I had said, maybe she should....hit me. I flew back into the confrontation with her, picking my words carefully as I knew I had precious few seconds before she interrupted with further shouted insults.
PO'P: If you're so pissed off, hit me.
FA: ?
This strange comment had finally silenced the woman. I thanked my fertile imagination silently, then pressed home the conversational advantage.
PO'P: Come on - hit me, it'll make you feel better.
MA: ?
PO'P: I won't hit you back, look just do it.
MA: ?
PO'P: Hit me, and we'll call it quits. Come on, as hard as you can.
MA: ...
PO'P: Do it. Come on. What's the matter with you?
MA: Ok, fine.
She wound up, and threw a left jab at my face, connecting fairly well for a girl. I fought the urge to laugh.
PO'P: Ok, we're all friends now. Good.
At this point, something made me turn 90 degrees to my right. The picture to this side was not such a happy one. Female A's accomplice, Female B was approaching the end of a decent left hook, aimed at me. To quickly describe Female B, she had at least 4 inches and five stones on me - making her a decent amount over 6 feet tall, and around 15 stone. She was a big girl in all measurable factors. I had clearly made this psycho angry as well, then inflamed her passions further by ignoring her.
As I wondered what I had done, the left hook reached its terminus - my right cheek. Time returned to normal as I fell straight down onto my ass, laughing mainly from surprise. There was no pain as I was heavily sedated by alcohol but I was aware I had been hit pretty hard.
Almost immediately the bouncer arrived - he wisely pays our group fairly close attention and was not far away. I convinced him that all was well and returned to the bar to ponder my future fate. I had, after all been knocked down by member of the weaker sex, albeit a much stronger member of this sex than myself. This would not put me in a good position for future banter with those present to witness this. I decided to kill them all and start again, possibly in the circus. Sadly, I was served with a refreshing vokda red bull and forgot all about my plans until the next day, when I was too hungover to do anything about them.
PO'P Note: Yes, this is not much of an example of FDI - after all, the women in question were strongly provoked by myself. Still, I got knocked down by a bitch, and I'm strangely proud of it.
PO'P Note: Female A exchanged numbers with SB later that night, then called him the next day to ask if he was coming to fix her curtains. It transpired she had her numbers mixed up and thought SB was another person she had met that night, thus allowing her entry into the FDI vaults. SB declined the curtain invitation, obvious euphemism as it may have been. The poor dumb fuck.
This particular evening, we had some unusual accomplices in our drinking mission - DW, a colleague of GB and his flatmates. DW quickly grew bored of our incessant drink-and-bullshit-fest, instead opting to wander drunkenly round the bar, chatting up females. This behaviour being somewhat outside our social norms, we kept an eye on him for the trouble that would undoubtedly ensue. Strangely, DW is largely capable of behaving himself and no unpleasantness ensued.
Sometime into the session, we became aware that DW had been talking to one particular female without rejection for some time. Unwisely, we decided our assistance would be a bonus to him. We approached.
Within 15 seconds of our introductions the mood had changed somewhat - I had again let myself down and made some smart comment, then instantly forgotten it. This had roused female A's anger to a surprising degree. All she was capable of doing was shouting at me. I tried to calm the situation down, but unsurprisingly made matters worse. The situation was rapidly going downhill. I had to act, and quickly.
I found inspiration at the bottom of my drink - if this slut was so wound up at something I had said, maybe she should....hit me. I flew back into the confrontation with her, picking my words carefully as I knew I had precious few seconds before she interrupted with further shouted insults.
PO'P: If you're so pissed off, hit me.
FA: ?
This strange comment had finally silenced the woman. I thanked my fertile imagination silently, then pressed home the conversational advantage.
PO'P: Come on - hit me, it'll make you feel better.
MA: ?
PO'P: I won't hit you back, look just do it.
MA: ?
PO'P: Hit me, and we'll call it quits. Come on, as hard as you can.
MA: ...
PO'P: Do it. Come on. What's the matter with you?
MA: Ok, fine.
She wound up, and threw a left jab at my face, connecting fairly well for a girl. I fought the urge to laugh.
PO'P: Ok, we're all friends now. Good.
At this point, something made me turn 90 degrees to my right. The picture to this side was not such a happy one. Female A's accomplice, Female B was approaching the end of a decent left hook, aimed at me. To quickly describe Female B, she had at least 4 inches and five stones on me - making her a decent amount over 6 feet tall, and around 15 stone. She was a big girl in all measurable factors. I had clearly made this psycho angry as well, then inflamed her passions further by ignoring her.
As I wondered what I had done, the left hook reached its terminus - my right cheek. Time returned to normal as I fell straight down onto my ass, laughing mainly from surprise. There was no pain as I was heavily sedated by alcohol but I was aware I had been hit pretty hard.
Almost immediately the bouncer arrived - he wisely pays our group fairly close attention and was not far away. I convinced him that all was well and returned to the bar to ponder my future fate. I had, after all been knocked down by member of the weaker sex, albeit a much stronger member of this sex than myself. This would not put me in a good position for future banter with those present to witness this. I decided to kill them all and start again, possibly in the circus. Sadly, I was served with a refreshing vokda red bull and forgot all about my plans until the next day, when I was too hungover to do anything about them.
PO'P Note: Yes, this is not much of an example of FDI - after all, the women in question were strongly provoked by myself. Still, I got knocked down by a bitch, and I'm strangely proud of it.
PO'P Note: Female A exchanged numbers with SB later that night, then called him the next day to ask if he was coming to fix her curtains. It transpired she had her numbers mixed up and thought SB was another person she had met that night, thus allowing her entry into the FDI vaults. SB declined the curtain invitation, obvious euphemism as it may have been. The poor dumb fuck.
posted by Peter O'Phile at
9:09 am
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