Peter O'Phile's Guide To Not Being A Shitlicker
People often ask me how I come across as the most mentally stong, dammed fine example of a human being they've ever met. Well actually, they don't because they most often meet me for the first time when I'm slumped on a bar somewhere, crying because the bastards won't play anything by John Lee Hooker and this skews their whole view of me a little.
If they did ask though, my answer would be that I have a set of rules that stand me in good stead. The only times I have ever been in trouble have been when I stepped outside of those rules. Note that they are not fucking girly "guidelines" or cornhole pussy ass "recommendations" but a set of cast iron rules. I've learnt my lesson, which incidentally, is one of my rules.
Life
No Point Crying Over Spilt Milk
When something goes wrong, work out why and what you could have done to solve the problem. Then work out how to recognise the problem before it occurs and how to avoid it ever ocurring again.
Learn your lesson and move on.
Or, sit around fucking crying like a little girl as the judge sends you down for 10 years and realise that you're too fucking retarded for this level of thought. Enjoy your little holiday, dumbass.
Fuck You, You're Out
Never send three texts in a row to someone without a reply. This is pretty much stalking and the person in question must now earn your friendship back. Shortcuts to this do of course include cash donations.
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt
Deliberately offending people is an essential way to test their mettle. Always have an exit plan.
Love
Don't Be A Fucking Retard, Dumbass
Been cheated on? That's the end of that fucking relationship then. Never go back, never look back, if at all possible never even speak to the bitch again - unless it's to highlight why her lack of morals has led to her being burried face down in a fire-ant colony.
Would You Let You Do This To You?
Never let someone else do to you what you wouldn't like to do to yourself (read this carefully you fucking retard). Note that this has no bearing on your treatment of other people who may well let you do what the fuck you want to them.
Liberty
Always Hold The Joker, Wildcard and Anything Else You Can Get
Never trust anyone with knowledge that could send you to prison unless you can repay the favour.
Do It But Do It Right
When breaking the law, leave no evidence or witnesses that are sure enough what happened to testify in court.
If they did ask though, my answer would be that I have a set of rules that stand me in good stead. The only times I have ever been in trouble have been when I stepped outside of those rules. Note that they are not fucking girly "guidelines" or cornhole pussy ass "recommendations" but a set of cast iron rules. I've learnt my lesson, which incidentally, is one of my rules.
Life
No Point Crying Over Spilt Milk
When something goes wrong, work out why and what you could have done to solve the problem. Then work out how to recognise the problem before it occurs and how to avoid it ever ocurring again.
Learn your lesson and move on.
Or, sit around fucking crying like a little girl as the judge sends you down for 10 years and realise that you're too fucking retarded for this level of thought. Enjoy your little holiday, dumbass.
Fuck You, You're Out
Never send three texts in a row to someone without a reply. This is pretty much stalking and the person in question must now earn your friendship back. Shortcuts to this do of course include cash donations.
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt
Deliberately offending people is an essential way to test their mettle. Always have an exit plan.
Love
Don't Be A Fucking Retard, Dumbass
Been cheated on? That's the end of that fucking relationship then. Never go back, never look back, if at all possible never even speak to the bitch again - unless it's to highlight why her lack of morals has led to her being burried face down in a fire-ant colony.
Would You Let You Do This To You?
Never let someone else do to you what you wouldn't like to do to yourself (read this carefully you fucking retard). Note that this has no bearing on your treatment of other people who may well let you do what the fuck you want to them.
Liberty
Always Hold The Joker, Wildcard and Anything Else You Can Get
Never trust anyone with knowledge that could send you to prison unless you can repay the favour.
Do It But Do It Right
When breaking the law, leave no evidence or witnesses that are sure enough what happened to testify in court.
posted by Peter O'Phile at
12:09 pm
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