Biting The Hand That Feeds PO'P

I have been busy with some contract work for Phones 4 U lately and would like to say that anybody suggesting the following:

• They are all stinky heads with arses made of rotting garbage.
• Are in league with the Masons and running a scam to control the UK populace.
• Are made of metal (underneath their ugly, ugly face masks) and programmed to kill.

Will have me to answer to. Furthermore, nobody should avoid buying phones from incompetent dung sluts with tenuous grasps on reality, little to no customer service and a penchant for buggery of small animals. Categorically, nobody should buy off the internet instead.

I even buy my cigarettes via the internet, well outside of what I'd normally consider fair play, as the NHS will have to stump up the costs of leaving my cancer and AIDS ridden corpse in a dirty bed in a dirty ward to die at some point, short my generous contributions to their coffers.

However, when I can buy tabs from elsewhere in Europe, pay tax on them there, have them packed up and shipped over here for half the price I can pay over the counter, I say "fuck you, new labour, go hang your fucking shitty heads in shame at the mess you're making of this place, you utter fucking wankers."

Then I light up a Marlboro Red from a packet with the health warning printed on in what, for all I know is fucking Aramaic, open a bottle of vodka and let the good times roll. Before muttering some more about our shitty government that some unknown fucker voted in and how much I hate Phones 4 U. Oh, and everybody else on this fucking shitheap we call Earth.