Peter O'Phile Has Died

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7813124.stm

Sadly (for you fuckers, anyway) I caught paedo-rectal-face-canceritis after coming into contact with 8th hand smoke (when a smoker causes a passive smoker to ingest smoke through her nose holes, who later excretes the toxins into a ditch, which a calf then drinks from, after which the calf is eaten in an ASDA ready meal by a nice young lady called Samantha, whose brains I then splatter all over my car bonnet in a bizarre "accident", and still later lick off), giving me a pretty heavy dose of superweaseliesnic.

My penis shrivelled to the length of an average bus and I suddenly developed absolutely no facial tics. I would often be found shouting at individual blades of grass by name, although this is not a recognised symptom of paedo-rectal-face-canceritis. Years later I was hit in the head by a flying chainsaw and the disease finally claimed its most awesome victim.

Since when was the BBC allowed to make stuff up? Oh wait...nevermind.

"They found that while 95% of non-smokers and 85% of smokers agreed that direct inhalation of second-hand smoke was harmful to children, just 65% of non-smokers, and 43% of smokers believed the same for "third-hand" smoke."

The most shocking statistic here is that up to 35% of the British public might not be complete fucking retards. I mean, it's probably just too small a sample or something and they accidentally asked one of the three people in the UK who can remember what the word "science" means. Anyway, long story short, the BBC are cunts, 3rd hand smoke is a fucking lie and I am dead, at least for now.