Hit Women, For Fun And Profit
P'OP NOTE: I upgraded to the new version of Blogger and now half of my old posts have turned into drafts. Seriously, the fucking dicks can't even get that right. And the spelling checker removes all the paragraphs for some reason (not that I ever spell anything wrong in the first place). Someone should be shot in the fucking eye for this travesty. Anyway, I'll try and repost the old shit a bit at a time until everything's back to normal. Or maybe I'll just delete it and fuck you all, who knows. Fuck.
Recent events have left me considering (not for the first time) our approach to physical violence against women. The sweeping "No, don't do it" view that our society tends to hold is clearly wrong. By clearly, I mean that I'll explain why later but if you really need to have this simple precept explained to you, I'd quite like to beat you with an Iron (or even Steel) bar.
So would a blanket "Yes, do it and use a Steel bar" approach be more appropriate? Yes. Clearly.
Reasons not to hit women:
They are the weaker sex.
Reasons not to hit anyone:
Violence is wrong.
Women are the weaker sex? I fucking guarantee that most women are not weaker than me. I'm 5'11" and 9 stone 5. I last went to a gym two years ago and all I did then was drink in the bar for six hours and stare at the over-muscled women whilst searching for things I had earlier hidden in my pockets.
Frankly, Stephen Hawking could kick my ass, and without any need to reverse time or meddle with entropy too. I'm talking a ten round, Queensbury Rules affair. He wouldn't even break into a sweat.
Violence is wrong? No it's not. I'm not even going to explain why that is fucking stupid. Anyone who says violence is wrong should be beaten around the ass for two hours until they die of ass-trauma. Then at their funeral, it should be mentioned that they have a closed coffin because they died of ass-trauma and everybody there should spit on their ashes. Violence is wrong? Pricks.
So why should people not fight women? As self-defence, the argument against hitting women is indefensible. If a woman chooses to take matters to a physical level, not hitting her back would be a sexist slur against her. Even not hitting her back as hard as possible (e.g. restraining her in a moderate fashion) would be a bigoted, vicious, non-attack on her sexual identity and could end up with you in prison.
Unprovoked violence is a more tricky one to prove unless you aren't a complete fucking retard. We've all laughed our lungs up at the sight of some guy being hit with a broken bottle for no reason, so it extends that adding women to this equation doubles the amount of humour in the world. Comic Relief proves year in, year out, that comedy saves ill and dying children, so doubling the amount of humour in the world is a great thing. In fact, if you don't randomly hit women then you are effectively killing African children and that makes you a racist. You evil little fuck.
So in conclusion, either hit women or go to Hell and burn for your evil, petty, hate crimes, and next time someone suggests hitting things with an Iron bar, mention that perhaps they should use Steel instead of being a complete fucking sheep. I'm so sick of people getting hit around the head with Iron bars. Dumb clichéd motherfuckers.
Recent events have left me considering (not for the first time) our approach to physical violence against women. The sweeping "No, don't do it" view that our society tends to hold is clearly wrong. By clearly, I mean that I'll explain why later but if you really need to have this simple precept explained to you, I'd quite like to beat you with an Iron (or even Steel) bar.
So would a blanket "Yes, do it and use a Steel bar" approach be more appropriate? Yes. Clearly.
Reasons not to hit women:
They are the weaker sex.
Reasons not to hit anyone:
Violence is wrong.
Women are the weaker sex? I fucking guarantee that most women are not weaker than me. I'm 5'11" and 9 stone 5. I last went to a gym two years ago and all I did then was drink in the bar for six hours and stare at the over-muscled women whilst searching for things I had earlier hidden in my pockets.
Frankly, Stephen Hawking could kick my ass, and without any need to reverse time or meddle with entropy too. I'm talking a ten round, Queensbury Rules affair. He wouldn't even break into a sweat.
Violence is wrong? No it's not. I'm not even going to explain why that is fucking stupid. Anyone who says violence is wrong should be beaten around the ass for two hours until they die of ass-trauma. Then at their funeral, it should be mentioned that they have a closed coffin because they died of ass-trauma and everybody there should spit on their ashes. Violence is wrong? Pricks.
So why should people not fight women? As self-defence, the argument against hitting women is indefensible. If a woman chooses to take matters to a physical level, not hitting her back would be a sexist slur against her. Even not hitting her back as hard as possible (e.g. restraining her in a moderate fashion) would be a bigoted, vicious, non-attack on her sexual identity and could end up with you in prison.
Unprovoked violence is a more tricky one to prove unless you aren't a complete fucking retard. We've all laughed our lungs up at the sight of some guy being hit with a broken bottle for no reason, so it extends that adding women to this equation doubles the amount of humour in the world. Comic Relief proves year in, year out, that comedy saves ill and dying children, so doubling the amount of humour in the world is a great thing. In fact, if you don't randomly hit women then you are effectively killing African children and that makes you a racist. You evil little fuck.
So in conclusion, either hit women or go to Hell and burn for your evil, petty, hate crimes, and next time someone suggests hitting things with an Iron bar, mention that perhaps they should use Steel instead of being a complete fucking sheep. I'm so sick of people getting hit around the head with Iron bars. Dumb clichéd motherfuckers.
posted by Peter O'Phile at
11:26 am
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