Do You Have The Foggiest?
Another post lost by Blogger2. Trying to escape from big jar of treacle, will update properly later.
Driving up the M1 last weekend, I lit a cigarette and started enjoying a "relaxing" smoke. Three cars around me instantly put on their fog lights, whilst one kind soul pulled up to a distance of three inches from my rear bumper and flashed constantly for five minutes to warn me of the danger I was in - I had forgotten to put my fog lights on.
The reason for this strange reaction? The British inability to distinguish fog from mist, cloud, cigarette smoke and even dust. The slightest reduction in visibility seems to invoke counter logic of the most stunning degree:
Let's check the highway code to see if it suggests this strange behaviour. It's at http://www.highwaycode.gov.uk. Rules 201 and 211 are the most applicable, so I'll quote (parts of) them here:
201
...when visibility is seriously reduced, generally when you cannot see for more than 100 metres (328 feet)...
211
You must not use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced...as they dazzle other road users and can obscure your brake lights. You MUST switch them off when visibility improves.
Notice how rule 201 defines the meaning of the phrase "seriously reduced". Rule 211 then explains what to do in this situation. Ignoring the fact that rules 202 - 210 have nothing to do with visibility or fog lights and thus cloud the issue somewhat, congratulations to the Department for Transport for removing any possible confusion here. Except of course the confusion of having 10 unrelated rules between the linked topics, which (if we didn't decide to ignore it) was pretty fucking dumb, Mr. DFT.
I'll summarise for the retardedly stupid:
When the situation which caused you to switch on your fog lights clears, switch them off. Switch them off, you stupid fucking cock. OFF. Don't leave them on for another 50 miles, just to be on the safe side. The cars behind you can now see only one thing - your fucking fog lights.
There could be two thousand cars, piled atop each other in an inferno of death and cleansing fire seconds down the road in front of you and no one behind you would be any the wiser. To make this worse, in the unlikely event that someone of your cognitive capacity spots and recognises this danger, we can't even see your brake lights. I hope you choke on your Werther's fucking Original and are found dead on the hard shoulder. With your hand down your pants and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in the CD player. Try explaining that one to God, you fucking pervert.
Driving up the M1 last weekend, I lit a cigarette and started enjoying a "relaxing" smoke. Three cars around me instantly put on their fog lights, whilst one kind soul pulled up to a distance of three inches from my rear bumper and flashed constantly for five minutes to warn me of the danger I was in - I had forgotten to put my fog lights on.
The reason for this strange reaction? The British inability to distinguish fog from mist, cloud, cigarette smoke and even dust. The slightest reduction in visibility seems to invoke counter logic of the most stunning degree:
Let's check the highway code to see if it suggests this strange behaviour. It's at http://www.highwaycode.gov.uk. Rules 201 and 211 are the most applicable, so I'll quote (parts of) them here:
201
...when visibility is seriously reduced, generally when you cannot see for more than 100 metres (328 feet)...
211
You must not use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced...as they dazzle other road users and can obscure your brake lights. You MUST switch them off when visibility improves.
Notice how rule 201 defines the meaning of the phrase "seriously reduced". Rule 211 then explains what to do in this situation. Ignoring the fact that rules 202 - 210 have nothing to do with visibility or fog lights and thus cloud the issue somewhat, congratulations to the Department for Transport for removing any possible confusion here. Except of course the confusion of having 10 unrelated rules between the linked topics, which (if we didn't decide to ignore it) was pretty fucking dumb, Mr. DFT.
I'll summarise for the retardedly stupid:
- If it's raining, don't put on your fog lights. It blinds other drivers.
- If it's misty, don't put on your fog lights. It blinds other drivers.
- If you can see a cloud, don't put on your fog lights. It blinds other drivers.
- If it's foggy (which means that you can see less than 100 metres), you may switch on fog lights.
When the situation which caused you to switch on your fog lights clears, switch them off. Switch them off, you stupid fucking cock. OFF. Don't leave them on for another 50 miles, just to be on the safe side. The cars behind you can now see only one thing - your fucking fog lights.
There could be two thousand cars, piled atop each other in an inferno of death and cleansing fire seconds down the road in front of you and no one behind you would be any the wiser. To make this worse, in the unlikely event that someone of your cognitive capacity spots and recognises this danger, we can't even see your brake lights. I hope you choke on your Werther's fucking Original and are found dead on the hard shoulder. With your hand down your pants and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in the CD player. Try explaining that one to God, you fucking pervert.
posted by Peter O'Phile at
8:21 am
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