In (My) Briefs

A man drove down my road yesterday repeating "Vote Labour, vote Labour, vote Labour"in a monotonous voice through two megaphones taped to the top of his car...Yeah, that's going to work.


If only he'd been on the next road, he could have swung by the mental institute for the terminally suggestible and really won a few Xes...except that they're all chained to their beds to avoid clogging up phone lines during advert breaks, obviously.

The next person I hear use the word "Crackberry" is going to be hacked up into pineapple sized chunks and used to stuff the human pillow I'm making for myself. Hey, we all have our addictions, right?

Have you ever listened to Chesney Hawkes and felt the sheer cosmic bliss of realising that he really is the one and only? It's that kind of moment that keeps me working so hard on my anti-clone campaigns.

And whilst we're on the subject of musical abortions which should have been, do you think Prince has to buy special keyboards so that he can type his own name, or does he just sign his correspondence as "cunt" and assume people will guess it's him?

I've been spending a little time on MySpace lately. I love the way you can sort potential love-matches by...distance:
"Alcoholic reprobate mollusc with commitment, hygiene issues seeks similar to spend eternity with. Must be unwilling to travel, fear the outside and live within five mile radius. No gingers or fatties."

I did get this one chick talking dirty to me though:
"I am a sociology student undertaking a theoretical consideration of the impact that social networking websites, like Myspace, can incur on identity. The proceeding pages encompass an essay discussing the means of profile customisation, blogging and connective networking that Myspace accommodates (as indicatively displayed on this page) and how they may facilitate the formation of an individual and group identity.Furthermore, the implications of such virtual identities will be identified in relation to a wider social context and a multiplicity of new media theses. This Myspace page has been created to provide an introductory visualisation of the template and tools that are subsequently discussed in the essay. Moreover, it emphasises the notion of the malleability of Myspace pages, that alludes to social networking sites constituting a prominent new form of globally accessible media production."

Fuck knows what she was on about, but I could tell by the way she misspelt "emphasizes" that she was gagging for it, so I sent her an amusing picture of two horses fucking...a camel. No response, I guess her head had already exploded due to the heavy testosterone musk leaking out of my earlier emails. Or the letter bomb I sent her.

I love that because Americans can't spell, nobody in this country uses Zs any more. Bad news for those people who look after animals in captivity, soon we'll be too embarrassed to give them job titles and thus unable to employ them. I guess it's good news for the animals though, swings and roundabouts et cetera.